Blighted ovum. That's what they call it when you ovulate, the egg is fertilized and implants, then all development stops. Many women don't ever know they've conceived as they naturally miscarry around the time of their next period and all seems normal. Some of us, miss our periods completely and develop full blow pregnancy symptoms...spotting, sickness, positive tests.
Last week I finally ventured into my ob's office to find out if all was well with this pregnancy or not. I've had abnormal bleeding, for me, and started to feel sick at 3 weeks, not 6 or seven. Questions hung in my mind, questions that I decided to seek answers for instead of waiting my usual 12 weeks before starting prenatal care. Blood work showed my hormone levels were elevated normally for a then 5 week pregnancy. An ultrasound would answer more questions.
As I drove to my ultrasound appointment, unsure of what I would see, or not see, I casually decided that I was probably 8 weeks along instead of 5, and we would embark on the journey of bringing our 8th child into the world. That would explain being sick so early. It was simple.
As the ultrasound tech started to take a look at my womb, we chatted casually. She performed many of my previous ultrasounds, and it felt like catching up with an old friend. Watching the screen, an unfamiliar line crossed through my womb...what was that? I asked if she was looking at my uterus. Yes. And what was that light in the middle? Well, it appears as if there are 2 gestational sacs.
My heart skipped 5 beats and I, a bit hysterically (not typical for me), laughed and cried all at once. She gently assured me that she was double checking things, and immediately informed that she was having difficulty seeing anything in those sacks. An internal ultrasound exam would show us more clearly. Same thing. Empty. Blackness. Void of life. Blighted ovum.
It's hard to really explain my emotions through the appointment, and even now I don't know how to feel, pray, or think. When I arrived at my appointment, I was confident of new life inside me. Then I discovered there were 2 new lives. And just moments later, that there was no life to be found.
The next step is my choice. They would perform a dne if I preferred, at any point. I could simply wait it out, and eventually miscarry naturally. I could have my blood work rechecked, or have another ultrasound, or both.
God's timing and intricate plan for our lives never ceases to amaze me. The way the news unfolded to me couldn't have been more gracious. The tech was gentle, open, and honest with me. The doctor was compassionate, understanding, and gave me time to sort things out with no pressure to pursue any one path.
The length of this chapter was both long and short, depending upon your perspective. As far as a miscarriage goes, it was drawn out. We chose to give things time, to see how my body would respond to the lack of life. In part because I wanted to avoid any procedures. But the truth was we were clinging to the hope that maybe there was still life there, even just one life.
Though the wondering and hoping was hard at times, it also allowed me to slowly let go of the life that briefly lived inside my womb. Finally at 13 weeks into the pregnancy, it was time to help my body rid itself of the remaining tissue in order to prevent any damage to my uterus. I don't know why I didn't naturally miscarry. I don't know why the twins didn't survive beyond implanting in the uterus.
The end of this chapter is unwritten for me, and the characters yet to be introduced. I know for certain that there was life present, no matter how brief. And that one day, on the other side of this life on earth, we will meet two children for the first time. And what a day of rejoicing that will be.
Last week I finally ventured into my ob's office to find out if all was well with this pregnancy or not. I've had abnormal bleeding, for me, and started to feel sick at 3 weeks, not 6 or seven. Questions hung in my mind, questions that I decided to seek answers for instead of waiting my usual 12 weeks before starting prenatal care. Blood work showed my hormone levels were elevated normally for a then 5 week pregnancy. An ultrasound would answer more questions.
As I drove to my ultrasound appointment, unsure of what I would see, or not see, I casually decided that I was probably 8 weeks along instead of 5, and we would embark on the journey of bringing our 8th child into the world. That would explain being sick so early. It was simple.
As the ultrasound tech started to take a look at my womb, we chatted casually. She performed many of my previous ultrasounds, and it felt like catching up with an old friend. Watching the screen, an unfamiliar line crossed through my womb...what was that? I asked if she was looking at my uterus. Yes. And what was that light in the middle? Well, it appears as if there are 2 gestational sacs.
My heart skipped 5 beats and I, a bit hysterically (not typical for me), laughed and cried all at once. She gently assured me that she was double checking things, and immediately informed that she was having difficulty seeing anything in those sacks. An internal ultrasound exam would show us more clearly. Same thing. Empty. Blackness. Void of life. Blighted ovum.
It's hard to really explain my emotions through the appointment, and even now I don't know how to feel, pray, or think. When I arrived at my appointment, I was confident of new life inside me. Then I discovered there were 2 new lives. And just moments later, that there was no life to be found.
The next step is my choice. They would perform a dne if I preferred, at any point. I could simply wait it out, and eventually miscarry naturally. I could have my blood work rechecked, or have another ultrasound, or both.
God's timing and intricate plan for our lives never ceases to amaze me. The way the news unfolded to me couldn't have been more gracious. The tech was gentle, open, and honest with me. The doctor was compassionate, understanding, and gave me time to sort things out with no pressure to pursue any one path.
The length of this chapter was both long and short, depending upon your perspective. As far as a miscarriage goes, it was drawn out. We chose to give things time, to see how my body would respond to the lack of life. In part because I wanted to avoid any procedures. But the truth was we were clinging to the hope that maybe there was still life there, even just one life.
Though the wondering and hoping was hard at times, it also allowed me to slowly let go of the life that briefly lived inside my womb. Finally at 13 weeks into the pregnancy, it was time to help my body rid itself of the remaining tissue in order to prevent any damage to my uterus. I don't know why I didn't naturally miscarry. I don't know why the twins didn't survive beyond implanting in the uterus.
The end of this chapter is unwritten for me, and the characters yet to be introduced. I know for certain that there was life present, no matter how brief. And that one day, on the other side of this life on earth, we will meet two children for the first time. And what a day of rejoicing that will be.
