Is Your Manger Clean?

It's later than I would like it to be for sitting down to empty my mind of the words tumbling around inside of it.  That's par for the course.  The time just slipped away as I lingered in nursing my sweet (should I use handsome?  Still adjusting to using more masculine baby adjectives) baby boy.  Subdued from a fever, I willing lavished my attention on him, as my mama instincts prescribed extra cuddling to ease any discomforts.  Between that sweet time and catching up on a few e-mails from old friends, my clock changed from the nine o'clock hour to the eleventh hour in a hurry.

There's the "take care of yourself Mama so you can be ready for what comes tomorrow" half of me that says just go to bed.  Before it is REALLY late.  Then there's the other half of me sitting here right now that just wants to get my thoughts on paper. Er, in typing.  On the computer screen.  Whatever it is we do these days to "write."  If my unwritten thoughts from a day were interesting at all, and if those words could be miraculously organized into neat sentences and paragraphs and even chapters...I could probably write several books.  They might not be published or even sold, but they'd be books.

And then there's that reminder, oh so gentle and subtle, of why those books are unwritten.  And might always be.  Never mind that I can't keep the living room floor, the steps, or my kitchen counters free of this life that is happening.  I seemed to have overlooked all of that surrounding me.

As I finished up finding a home for the few groceries we picked up 2 hours ago, there was one misplaced item I didn't miss.  A book.  Left upside down, open to the page where its reader had stopped, lying on the tiny counter next to my stove that is reserved for drinking cups and recyclable containers during the day and nothing after dinner, definitely NOT where that book belongs.  My first thought was along the lines of "she is always leaving her books everywhere and never where they should be."

For some reason, tonight that was a fleeting thought and what I resigned myself to was the reality before me every day, and every moment of every day.  I am so glad that book was left there.  It's a book and what a blessing to have books to read, to engage our minds, to learn from, even to entertain us with stories.  It was left there by my daughter.  One of my daughters.  One of my children.  The reasons I am even called Mama, Mommy, Mom, and now Ma (an addition due to our Little House obsession lately).  Need I go on?

I will...We have counter tops to lay things on, and a lovely and functional kitchen that houses those counter tops, in a warm, character-laden (read:  old and imperfect, but the way we love it) house in a loving and lively community within a country where we are free to home school and live out our faith openly and passionately.

Proverbs 14:4  "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, But much revenue comes by the strength of the ox."

My oxen, right  now, are my offspring.  Let's face it, children aren't typically clean.  Nor are their mangers or mine for that matter.  Especially when they come in a herd of 8.  I haven't studied the original Hebrew text for the word "revenue" just yet, but I would suggest that my payment comes in blessings through my children.  And I use the term blessings loosely, only because I'm not just referring to those rosy moments when your, OK my, 2 year old sings Bible songs enthusiastically or an older daughter writes loving notes of encouragement for this Mama.  Those are the obvious warm fuzzies of motherhood.

It is also the tough times - disrespectful words, poop blow-outs, broken washers, throwing fits, and spilled milk (cliche, but let's face it, IT IS REALITY) - that represent blessings.    Disguised as trials, but turned to blessings as our Creator uses those moments to mold us into vessels for His own glory.  After 100 cups of spilled milk, I can now usually just grimace, address the foolishness or childishness represented, and calmly clean it up.  It took 100 cups to get there.  Trust me.

So it is that these oxen (I mean children) bring revenue (rather blessings) in stinky mangers (difficult Mom moments and messy homes). And for now, I will cling to that truth and not forget the great gift that is right here in front of me.  Or all around me.


photo credit: Photo Pin

Another chapter, short or long?

Blighted ovum.  That's what they call it when you ovulate, the egg is fertilized and implants, then all development stops.  Many women don't ever know they've conceived as they naturally miscarry around the time of their next period and all seems normal.  Some of us, miss our periods completely and develop full blow pregnancy symptoms...spotting, sickness, positive tests.

Last week I finally ventured into my ob's office to find out if all was well with this pregnancy or not.  I've had abnormal bleeding, for me, and started to feel sick at 3 weeks, not 6 or seven.  Questions hung in my mind, questions that I decided to seek answers for instead of waiting my usual 12 weeks before starting prenatal care.  Blood work showed my hormone levels were elevated normally for a then 5 week pregnancy.  An ultrasound would answer more questions.

As I drove to my ultrasound appointment, unsure of what I would see, or not see, I casually decided that I was probably 8 weeks along instead of 5, and we would embark on the journey of bringing our 8th child into the world.  That would explain being sick so early.  It was simple.

As the ultrasound tech started to take a look at my womb, we chatted casually.  She performed many of my previous ultrasounds, and it felt like catching up with an old friend.  Watching the screen, an unfamiliar line crossed through my womb...what was that?  I asked if she was looking at my uterus.  Yes.  And what was that light in the middle?  Well, it appears as if there are 2 gestational sacs.

My heart skipped 5 beats and I, a bit hysterically (not typical for me), laughed and cried all at once.  She gently assured me that she was double checking things, and immediately informed that she was having difficulty seeing anything in those sacks.  An internal ultrasound exam would show us more clearly.  Same thing.  Empty.  Blackness.  Void of life.  Blighted ovum.

It's hard to really explain my emotions through the appointment, and even now I don't know how to feel, pray, or think.  When I arrived at my appointment, I was confident of new life inside me.  Then I discovered there were 2 new lives.  And just moments later, that there was no life to be found.

The next step is my choice.  They would perform a dne if I preferred, at any point.  I could simply wait it out, and eventually miscarry naturally.  I could have my blood work rechecked, or have another ultrasound, or both.

God's timing and intricate plan for our lives never ceases to amaze me.  The way the news unfolded to me couldn't have been more gracious.  The tech was gentle, open, and honest with me.  The doctor was compassionate, understanding, and gave me time to sort things out with no pressure to pursue any one path.

The length of this chapter was both long and short, depending upon your perspective.  As far as a miscarriage goes, it was drawn out.  We chose to give things time, to see how my body would respond to the lack of life.  In part because I wanted to avoid any procedures.  But the truth was we were clinging to the hope that maybe there was still life there, even just one life.

Though the wondering and hoping was hard at times, it also allowed me to slowly let go of the life that briefly lived inside my womb.  Finally at 13 weeks into the pregnancy, it was time to help my body rid itself of the remaining tissue in order to prevent any damage to my uterus.  I don't know why I didn't naturally miscarry.  I don't know why the twins didn't survive beyond implanting in the uterus.

The end of this chapter is unwritten for me, and the characters yet to be introduced.  I know for certain that there was life present, no matter how brief.  And that one day, on the other side of this life on earth, we will meet two children for the first time.   And what a day of rejoicing that will be.

Who Makes the List Anyway?

I don't know if you are a list person or not.  Some days I am.  Some days I definitely am not.  Some would say that lists are essential for keeping routines and life running smoothly.  I say they help, but sometimes the moment or even the day unravels whether I had that list or not.  Don't get me wrong, unraveling is just fine sometimes.  If the day being knit wasn't turning out too pretty, unraveling may be the perfect solution.  If that "just perfect" sweater project was almost complete and it became half undone...well, that's a different story.

Just the other day, I asked my more than challenging 3 year old (do you have one of those?) to do something for me.  I don't even remember what it was...a simple task, something she probably does everyday.  Her response?  "Mom, that's not on my to-do list."  Really.  You are 3, can't form any letters yet, and you've got a to-do list?

It certainly made me me chuckle, but it also made me think.  Am I writing my to-do list all by myself?  Sure, I'm capable of choosing what goes on it, and in a sense I have the responsibility to make a list and use the time I have wisely.

But in the bigger picture, do I ask God what He has on my to-do list?  Is my heart open, am I listening each day for that voice to guide me, even in the day to day?  I'm not so sure.  I've probably said to God more than a few times, "That's not on my to-do list!"  An unexpected mess, a neighbor who needed a listening ear, a surprise visitor, sickness, character training.  These are just some of the little things.  Then there's the big things that totally shove our lists out of the way and change our day, our week, maybe our lives completely.  Some of you know that kind of list destroyer all too well.

So, while I'm capable of keeping my own to-do list, I think I'll ask God what He's got on my to-do list today.  Tomorrow.  And every day after that. It's better that His way.

Beauty by Who's Hands?

 I like to read a blog or two.  Almost every day, if I get a chance.  I like to write blog entries.  On rare occasions, when I force  myself to take the time.  But that's life with little ones, lots of them.  And that's life for many others too.  Even if they don't have lots of little ones.  But I hope they do.  Or at least had littles that are now bigs.  That's the book series I could write!  You know, the "Littles" series, you read, or at least I read, when I was a tween?  I could write a "Bigs" series.  Maybe I'd give it a better title.  About giant people.  I don't think it would do so well.  "Bigs" aren't quite as cute and intriguing as "Littles."

But its the littles that drive me to write, most of the time.  They teach me things.  Actually, God uses them to teach me things.  Things I didn't think I wanted to know.  But I do.  Deep down I want to learn those hard lessons, no matter how painful.  They make me who I am.  God uses them to form me into who He wants me to be.  And this is another one of those.  A story about one of my littles, all of them really.  And how God used them to open my eyes, to see His truths in a new way.

Before I go head long into it though, don't think for a minute that this Mom of seven (yeah, I know, I didn't change my blog title for 2 little girls now; its not that important is it?) has finally figured out how to get it ALL done and am able to sit down at 8:30, after my girlies are tidily (that would imply they've all had a bath today) snuggled under their covers, curled up in my own pajamas after my own shower, sip some coffee, and write a blog post or two, without another daily task on my list of to-do.

Just so you know (and maybe it will encourage you), that's not even close to reality.  In fact, there are 10 (at last count) loads of laundry waiting to be folded, all corralled in laundry baskets along the north wall in my dining room.  The sink is full of dishes from dinner.  I am still in my street clothes and in need of another shower.  My nose is clogged and runny (I don't know how it is both) and my ears are ringing from a 3 1/2 week long cold, my eyes are watery from allergies, my hair is not really combed, and make-up didn't make it anywhere near my face today...but here I am.  Raw.  Weary.  A mess.  Humbled.  Yet I am still loved by my creator, a source of God's joy, no matter what.  And it is in that spirit that I share a piece of my life with you.

The day was not much different than most.  Routines, or at least an attempt at them.  Craziness in the morning, a lull, craziness at lunch.  It was in that noon time shuffle that the blessing was tucked.  I didn't expect it, wasn't looking for it.  But I sure am glad my eyes saw it.   A beautiful illustration given to me by God, through Mikayla. She is unique.  Already carries labels, negative ones, don't we all.  Strong willed.  Gluten sensitive.  Challenging.  Passionate.  Emotional.  Sensitive.  Full of life.  He is using her to mold me, to give me new life. Some day I will see it all more clearly.  Today I saw this picture as if I was holding it in my hands.  

I picked up an Easter Lily for our Passover meal. It had three blooms, with only one open. I looked forward to them opening on or around Easter. One of them did. It smelled of spring, of new life.  And it was beautiful. All of the girls excitedly noted the blooming flower, and anxiously awaited the third bloom to open.  

Mikayla wanted to see that new bloom too.  And she wasn't about to wait.  Away from any watchful eyes, she pried apart that last bloom. Pried at it.  Peeled it back.  Pulling some off.  Leaving it partially attached, but stringy and drooping. Lifeless. Not beautiful.

I discovered it just as we were sitting up for lunch.  Mikayla was supposed to be there with us.  I was frustrated, disappointed. I didn't yell, but I roughly moved her away from the damaged bloom and asked why she had to destroy everything?  She hurried away from me into the mud room, plopped herself on the rug by the patio door, obviously put out. I wasn't sure why. She knew I wasn't happy.  I figured it was more because I had moved her away from her latest "project";  demise of all things neat and orderly. 

The seeker of beauty.

As I continued with my chores, getting a few more things on the table for consumption, I heard her muttering. I listened carefully, but could not make out her words clearly.  Dropping my dish cloth for the moment, I walked over to her, and sat on the floor facing her.  I wondered what the muttering was all about. I didn't expect such a simple answer from a child to hold such meaning for my heart.  Her response hit me like a ton of bricks. It took me a moment, but God made His point clear. In her small, little girl voice, with a big Mikayla frown and furrowed brows, "I just wanted to make the flower beautiful."  She wasn't just upset at me.  She wasn't upset that I had taken her from "messing" with the flower.  She was put out because she was looking for the beauty, trying to make something beautiful, and had not succeeded.  

Isn't that just like me?  Is it like you?  Not 5 minutes earlier I was on a tirade with my older girls because they weren't loving each other, they are always bickering.  Picking at this, whining about that, turning their backs to each other, putting each other down.  I longed for their hearts to change, wanted them to be beautiful on the inside, so that I could see it blooming outwardly.  Blossoms of their loving kindness toward each other...kind words, thoughtful deeds, warm smiles, encouragement. 

Mikayla wasn't the only one trying to force her control on a beautiful outcome.  I too was trying to open a bloom by my power, with my words.  I was trying to make things beautiful on my own accord, in my own way, in my own time. God's teaching was gentle, beautiful. I can't make beauty bloom when I want it to, on my time, through my works. God opens the flowers, His power unfolds each petal, and in His time. 

 

We are called to care for each plant...give it what it needs to grow and thrive.  A fertile soil, fresh water, a warming light.  This I can provide, with God's help.  And then I must wait, wait for the seed to grow, the seedling to sprout and stretch upward, a bloom to form and the petals to open in a beautiful display of God's handiwork.

Our inner beauty will be displayed too,  by God's power, in God's time.  Just as we were waiting for that final bloom to burst forth, we had waited for Resurrection day to come, to remember when God conquered death, and to look forward with anticipation when He will return again.  Spring is here.  It is time for new life. I want new life through joy, moment by moment.  I desire to let God bring about the beauty, to be patient, to do His work, but let His timing unfold, in due season.  What new life do you long for and need?

Understanding God in a New Way

It didn't hit me until chapter 10, how much I had really missed within the story.  I was enjoying it, we all were.  Well, the oldest daughter and I mostly.  The younger sisters mostly enjoyed it because they could stay up just a bit later.  I should have known.  C.S. Lewis was beyond talented in describing our God within a story...embedded so far into the story that it was easy to miss.  And I almost did.  I'm thankful I didn't.

I don't know who the Hermit is in The Horse and His Boy, maybe he is just a character used by Lewis to make the story what it is.  I'd say he is some type of angel, one of God's prophets perhaps.  But it doesn't really matter.  Lewis gives him words that I came back to.  Again.  And again.

"Daughter," said the Hermit, "I have now lived a hundred and nine winters in this world and have never yet met any such thing as Luck.  There is something about all this that I do not understand:  but if ever we need to know it, you may be sure that we shall."

There it is, plain as day.  Life isn't about luck.  It never was.  It never will be.  And life doesn't always, maybe not even often make sense.  Oh how we long to know the why, to understand.  It isn't a need, just a desire, a belief that knowing will make it better.  I'm not so sure.  I think the Hermit was talking about trust.  God will reveal what we need to know.  Do I trust Him?

But there is more from this story of the boy.  So much more.  In fact, the very story, of his life, speaks to God's sovereignty, His plan.  Nothing is a mistake.  No life.  No situation.  No gift.  No tragedy.

"You're not quite the great Horse you had come to think, from living among poor dumb horses.  Of course you were braver and cleverer than them.  You could hardly help being that.  It doesn't follow that you'll be anyone very special in Narnia.  But as long as you know you're nobody very special, you'll be a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole, and taking one thing with another."

This brutal honesty from my friend the Hermit almost made me laugh.  He flat out told the talking horse (this is the land of Narnia you know) that he isn't anything special compared to others.  Well, if that isn't the truth of the matter.  Humility, knowing we aren't anything more special than the next person.  I could use a dose of that.  Put me in my place God, so I can love others as you do.  "Love your neighbor as yourself..."

This is the one that really got me.  Froze me in the midst of the story.  The one I came back to, and really washed me over with peace.  It didn't help with the why, the Hermit already told us about that.  But to know He is there.  God is there.  It is God in our lives, when we don't even know it.  Now it is Aslan's turn, the Voice, who speaks boldly about our Great God.

"I was the lion."  And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued.  "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis.  I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead.  I was the lion who gave the Horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time.  And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

I almost missed it.  How many times have I, will I miss it?  It doesn't look like God.  It doesn't feel like God.  It just doesn't seem like God.  But it is God.  Writing my story.  The boy, Shasta, innocently living out the life God had for him.  The "lion," there at every turn.  Am I as innocent?  Do I unknowingly allow my creator to steer my life?  Do I knowingly let Him?  And then this.

"Then it was you who wounded Aravis?"
"It was I."
"But what for?"
"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers.  I tell no one any story but his own."

Hit with humility, again.  God is there, when we don't even know it.  Always there.  He tells us when we need to know.  Our story.  Hers is different.  I am not more special.  Just different.  Trust Him.  Innocence, like that of a child.  Following the path made for us.  Letting God lead, direct.  Unknowingly, yet knowingly.

My child, she sings these words.  Over again and again.  I ask her who they speak of.  She's not sure, but I tell her it is God.  He is with us all the time.

All this time
from the first tear cried
till today's sunrise
and every single moment between

You were there
you were always there
It was you and I
You've been walking with me 
All this time...

Lyrics to Britt Nicole's All This Time.  The other words are powerful too.  I'm glad my girl sings them.  And now her younger sisters sing them too.  I am thankful.  For the reminder.  For the words God gives others.   And I pray I will listen, that I won't miss the Voice, or the Lion.  Or life that has been given.

A constant in the midst of change...

It has been so long since I took the time to write anything, and the truth is it may be a long time until I do again. But, today I have a renewed desire to post something weekly, so here goes. First item of business, the name of this blog has got to change! We were once a family with 5 little women, and as much as I envisioned adding little men to that mix, God's plan was to bless our family with 7 little girls first! Who He has next in mind is yet to be seen. Haven't completely decided on the new title, but have a pretty good idea...hope to make that change soon.

 The most recent excitement around the Groff household is of course our 7th little blessing. Carissa Nicole let out her first cries at 5:11 on Friday evening, July 20th. After a week of questioning whether or not I was really in labor, we finally checked into the hospital around 9:30 Friday morning. Our fears of Ryan stuck in rush hour traffic driving home from his job site in Penn State were ended when they admitted us to have a baby with him present, pheww. Praise God for that answer to prayer. A nap, a few walks, a couple of hot showers and a breaking of my water, and the heat of labor finally ensued. I have to admit that my verbal response to the announcement and sight of our baby being a girl was "Really?". We were convinced that she was a boy, but thankful for who God made in Carissa! Besides, she really is the cutest little thing, with a head full of dark hair and such teeny, tiny features (I might be a bit biased). The 6 big sisters just adore her, well those who realize she's here. For good or for bad, she hasn't actually disrupted life as we know it too much yet since she is in her pack n play most of the time under her billi blanket, trying to combat some jaundice. And she's a pretty sleepy little girl...God sure was gracious in giving us women sleepy newborns for a good week (even though they are frequently not so sleepy during those long nighttime hours, sigh).

 The truth is, life as we Groff's know it is always changing. And with baby girl #7 it is sure to throw us curves once again. There are times, many perhaps, when I wish for some regularity in our life (and as some of you are thinking, so why don't you choose it!  Well, that's a post for a different day)...a desire for something constant, instead of always adjusting to what's coming next (usually in the form of a new baby) or already came depending if we are ahead of the game or still playing catch up. I'll let you guess which is the more accurate description.

 If I take a minute to pause, I do find and with open eyes can see the constant. And it is in God, our creator who has given the life so abundant in our family. The provider, who continues to meet our diverse and in some ways growing needs (in other ways they are becoming less as we learn to live more simply and fully in Christ, but that's another days post). The sustainer, who lifts us up and keeps us going in the day to day. The healer and giver of peace, who continually shows us how to live in harmony (and not in constant cat fights! Or, as is the case with some of my little girls, dog fights. They can battle with the best, or shall I say worst? of them). The list of God and His many descriptions is never ending, but you get the point. In the midst of our ever changing chaos, God is our constant. And really, it is in the rising and crashing of the waves, the blowing and ripping of the winds, the dripping and down pouring of the rain, that life happens and we are changed, for the better if we are willing. Instead of resisting it, I will CHOOSE to embrace it. No more wishing for things to remain the same. Just praise for a God who is constant and causes us to change.

ME, ME, ME

I was the "Meosaur" tonight (Have you ever read the book "Minosaur?"  The Groff girls love it, the only problem is that the younger ones tend to walk around saying "mine, mine, mine" after we read it.  And I work so hard to teach them not to say that in the first place!  Oh well, as they get older, they understand the real purpose of the book.


All I wanted was to do something for me, me, me.  And I really didn't realize it until I read a post from a dear friend who is on an adoption journey.  I got out for a jog tonight (pretty close to dark), after trying hard to settle Talia and not really sure if she was settled as I ran.  And I was thinking, selfishly, I sometimes wish my babies didn't need ME so much...Ryan helps with the babies some, but the truth is, especially with breast feeding, they usually need ME in these early weeks. And for us there are 5 other little women that also need our love and attention, so he is generally pulled in that many other directions.  The only reason I wish they didn't need ME is so I could do whatever it is that ME wants to!  It is purely selfish.


And then I thought...I don't think, in fact I know, that God doesn't respond that way to all of us (to ME) who desperately need Him...because he unselfishly loves us, gives to us and provide for us, ALL of the time.  I know, I know, there are those who will argue that everyone needs some "me" time, and it's okay to take a little time for yourself.  I'm not prepared to argue against that, in fact, ME loves that idea.  And yet, is it really true?  I suppose it depends on what that "me" time looks like, how we spend it, or when we take it.  In fact, I think that's just it.  "Me" time is probably very beneficial, if we spend it with God or at least honoring God with our choice of activity, or non-activity in our "me" time.  And "Me" time is probably very important, if we don't neglect anothers glaring needs to take it.  And it probably comes down to our attitude about "me" time too...for ME tonight, it was plain old selfish.  And I'm not even referring to going for a jog, but my line of thinking as I did jog.  Because, the truth is, that I am so blessed to have a newborn baby, a new life given as a gift, that does need ME very often.


Maybe when I get older, I'll understand the real purpose of this life on earth...that it isn't about ME, but about being a servant of God and thus a servant to others.  And I confess that is a super simplified statement about the purpose of life, but I'm not about to expand upon that one tonight.  


Since my precious little one was very much a reason for my post tonight, here are a few pictures to hold you over until I can give her a proper introduction...don't hold your breath till I do.  My track record for consistency in blogging will not earn ME any awards.

How do you do it?

I can't tell you how many times this question is posed to me by anyone and everyone.  And I can't tell you how many answers I can and can't come up with..."One day at a time."  "With God's strength."  "We have a great support system in our family and friends."  "I'm Superwoman!" (Kidding, I've never used that last one nor do I believe it).  "I'm crazy and insane."  (I think about this one freqently, and I know others do).

I came across an article through a site on large families, and as I read through it, this particular passage (posted below) rang so true with where we are at as a couple and family.  It also greatly encouraged me to maintain, right now return, to an attitude that is like Christ.  I am so thankful for the "fun" things in life, the times that I feel spoiled by the conveniences of our American culture in particular.  But the truth is, that our lives as servants of God are not by design meant to be filled with all of the "things" that make us happy; nor do they need to be or will they be easy.  We are here to worship God, to serve Him, and to share God and His love with others (no matter what our circumstances or where God calls us)...a self-sacrificial life. 
Well, instead of me going on and on, I'll just let you read the author's words for yourself.  I hope you are challenged, as I was.  And the neat thing is, the principle(s) he addresses don't just apply to having a large family, but to many, maybe all areas of our lives.  So, if having more children isn't where you are at in life, substitute those words/phrases with whatever calling you might be living out right now.

This then, is kind of a summary of not just how, but also a bit of why.  Please know that I in no way intend to condemn or judge what choice others have made in the area of having children through this post.  Instead, I hope that it will encourage others not only in this area, but in other areas of life as well.  Even if we've got this one right, we humbly admit that there is another are many areas of our own lives in which we most certainly don't.

P.S.  Would really like to add some pictures to this post, but since I'm on our laptop that does not have my pictures and I'm already snuggled in bed for the night, those will have to wait.


"From a biblical perspective, there is no reason to believe God wouldn't provide for the children He creates. Jesus said, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat? Or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you as well." (Matt. 6:25-33) Likewise, David said this: "I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread." (Psalm 37:25) God will, therefore, see that we have everything we need, but that doesn't mean God will give us everything we want. The problem many of us have is that we consider the following as needs: air conditioning, cable television, two cars, new clothes, vacations with hotel stays, convenience foods, restaurant food, (Even just the yummy foods we are used to and really like!  We could survive on a much different diet than we do, and still be healthy; in fact, probably healthier!) a large home, and a new car (Add your own things to this list and see how much we really don't need.  Very humbling.). These are not needs, but many of us give them a higher priority than having children - using them as an excuse for not having children. When our life is over, God will judge our work by his own standard. Paul writes, "Each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." (1 Cor. 3:10b-15) What does this have to do with having children? My house, my car, my air conditioner, my computer, and my new clothes have this in common: none of them will survive judgment day. On the other hand, we can be certain that the souls of my children are eternal. Now then, if I limit the number of children I have so I can watch television, play computer games, eat convenience foods, or avoid sweating in the summertime, I have invested my money foolishly. In the eternal sense, I have given away gold and exchanged it for straw. Martin Luther put it this way: "But the greatest good in married life, that which makes all suffering and labor worth while, is that God grants offspring and commands that they be brought up to worship and serve him. In all the world this is the noblest and most precious work, because in God there can be nothing dearer than the salvation of souls. Now since we are all duty bound to suffer death, if need be, that we might bring a single soul to God, you an see how rich the estate of marriage is in good works. God has entrusted to its bosom souls begotten of its own body, on whom it can lavish all manner of Christian works. Most certainly father and mother are apostles, bishops, and priests to their children, for it is they who make them acquainted with the gospel. In short, there is no greater or nobler authority on earth than that of parents over their children." (The Estate of Marriage, 1522) If only we all had such an exalted view of raising children, but as it is we often despise this noble right by selling it for a new car, a vacation at the beach, or a new wardrobe. We are like Esau who sold his blessing for a bowl of stew.  (Absolutely love this whole Biblical concept of investing in souls as it is applied to having and raising children!)





Since all of us are sinful, we all struggle with poor parenting in varying degrees. However, the solution is not to accommodate our sin but to overcome it. We should urgently seek to manage our families well whether God gives us more children or not.

 Our first child was the most difficult and time-consuming child we had until our tenth. He didn't seem to need more than half a night's sleep and he was very strong willed. With our first, Cindy wasn't working at all and I can remember coming home one night to find Cindy with large black rings under her eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks. Our oldest had simply left her worn out, sleep deprived, and discouraged. (The author is so real and honest here...let's face it parents, we've all been there, maybe over and over.  But, do we let our suffering determine, rather deter us from God's blessings?) Eventually, however, Cindy made it through and God gave us the grace to survive every additional child God gave us. We survived the lost sleep (I must confess that Cindy lost more than I did), the diapers, the arguments, the disobedience, the expense, the extra work, and the loss of our freedom. But our life has been easy compared with those who have children with serious chronic illnesses or handicaps. It seems that sometimes God gives people seemingly impossible circumstances, but even they usually manage to survive. The bottom line is that we are sinful and our kids are sinful and a lot of work besides. Therefore, having more children means that the sin and the work are multiplied. Even the most extraordinary circumstances we can imagine, however, are nothing compared to the life of suffering Jesus endured on our behalf, and we ought to have the same attitude toward suffering that Jesus did.  (I don't think I really grasp this on a daily basis, and with Easter just days away, this really hits home for me.)  Paul writes, "Your attitude should be the same of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!" (Phil. 2:5-8) The reason so many of us "can't handle" our children is because we don't have a Christ-like attitude towards suffering. We want parenting - and the rest of our Christian walk for that matter - to be without suffering. We expect that the Christian life should be one long series of easy victories. Paul, however, understood that the Christian life wasn't supposed to be painless. He compared our life to that of a soldier or an Olympic athlete. Jesus painted a more painful picture when he told us to pick up our crosses daily and follow Him.

(If you haven't really gotten anything from this article yet, pay attention here.  This is where the rubber meets the road.)  Even so, Paul could write, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow to attain the resurrection of the dead." (Phil. 3:10-11) The writer of Hebrews wrote, "Jesus, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Heb 12:2b-3) As parents, then, we should endure the hardships of parenting for the joys of sharing our faith and the Christian life with our children. We can handle having as many children as God gives us because parenting gives us a chance to humble ourselves and suffer for the sake of our offspring. In this way, we share in the sufferings of Christ, but these sufferings are nothing compared with the joy we will have before Christ when He comes in His glory. Nevertheless, there will still be times when it seems to us we can't handle another child. If God gives us another child anyway, we can be sure that He will give us all the strength we need to do the task. Isaiah says, "Do you not know? Have you not heard?


The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Is. 40:28-31) Perhaps in our own power, then, we cannot handle another child, but those who trust in the Lord will have a joy and a strength that will overcome the hardships.  (And that right there is the only reason, and how we do it.)

The Best of 2010

Alright, it is at least some of the best.  There are so many pictures from this past year to choose from that I had to leave some good ones out, or you'd be scrolling for days.  I had wanted to update this blog with the things that have happened over the past several months in which I did not post entries, and just couldn't figure out how I was going to do that.  So instead of trying to accomplish that, you'll just get to see a handful (or more, we'll see what happens), of my favorite shots from 2010.  It's my best attempt at catching up and keeping up for now.

 

Our 5th little lady entered the world on February 5th, 2010.  Mikayla Reese had a textbook arrival, my best (I didn't have any bad ones) delivery yet, and I am so thankful for that.  These are two of my favorite pictures from her first days as it so clearly contrasts the eldest and youngest daughter in our family.  It seems like just yesterday that Alivia was that tiny baby, and now she holds and helps care for the new additions as they arrive.  In the photo on the right, Alivia came with me for Risa's (one of her nicknames as of now) first Dr. appointment...I didn't imagine how much fun it would be to share in the joy of showing off our new baby with Alivia.

 

These were taken during one of the big snowstorms in the early months of 2010.  Though Kate was only just over a year old, she insisted on being outside with her big sisters and Daddy too.  On the right, you can see the remnants of her tears when I finally made her come inside.  She sat fully dressed in the mud room for several minutes "getting over" the fact that she was forced to come inside.  Oh how I love that even the youngest ones in the bunch want to be a part of what the family is doing.  This will only get sweeter with time.

These two really are "peas in a pod" much of the time.  They love each other and spending time together with a passion, and sometimes fight with just as much.  On this particular day, I was overjoyed to see them helping each other on the roller skates as they took turns trying them out.  You see, they weren't just holding hands because that's what sisters do (though that is reason enough).  This time around, they were willingly and joyfully providing a stability for the one on wheels.  This is my prayer for my children and my family all the time...that we would support each other through all of life's adventures.

As Hannah outgrows her nap time and is becoming a little lady herself, she gets more and more quality time with her two older sisters.  Crammed onto one stuffed chair, they spent almost an hour "reading" together, singing songs, and just being generally silly.  I hope their childhood days are filled with moments like these...just being together, full of love, joy, and of all things...peace (aka, no fighting!).

Capturing moments of my babies' like this one just melts my heart.  When an adult yawns with a wide open mouth like this, we are often disgusted at their gaping jaw and rudeness for not covering it.  But when a precious little baby gives us a chance to not only see but capture the sleepy gesture, we are in awe.  And shouldn't we be?  New life is certainly something to be in awe of, and I for one don't ever want to not stop and take in the miracle of life in each new baby I meet (mine or someone else's).

 

I'm not really sure when this cheesy grin of Hannah's started, but it became her signature photo face for the year.  At first I would try hard to get her to smile "normally," but decided that it was representative of her at this time in her life.  Besides, except for the fact that she hides her beautiful baby blues, she is so stinkin' cute, cheesy grin and all.

 

We desire to give Easter, and the death and resurrection of Christ, as much attention as we do in celebrating Christmas when our Savior was born.  At the same time, pretty Easter dresses in pastel colors and brightly colored Easter eggs hidden in the backyard make it a special time with our families as well.  Speaking to the photo on the right, some of my favorite moments with the girls' grandparents are watching them explore life and the world around them, talking and learning from the aged and wise.  Here, they are finished searching for the eggs, and are engaged in a conversation with Pappie, probably about birds or butterflies.

A shot from Easter with the Lehman family.  I had to include this one.  You see, with 11 grandchildren ages 6 and under (and that number jumped to 12 at the end of May!), family get togethers are always full of, well, many things.  Children, namely, and all that goes with them, including laughter and joy!

Washing the car with Daddy makes for some great photo opportunities as well.  A smile doesn't get more authentic than Kate gave me in this first shot.  And the second shot melts my heart to see a little lady, parading after her Daddy in her dress and rain boots, trying hard to keep up with his every step.

TROUBLE.  Enough said.

Oh that hair...Hannah has beautiful curls, and this is what they can look like

when she wakes up in the morning and is in desperate need of a haircut.  

Kate was blessed with the big eyes in our family, and does she ever know how to use them.  The best adjective we have come up with to describe her is coy.  She is so good at putting on a show and pretending she has no idea that she is drawing attention to herself.
Her understanding of people and life leads me to believe she is 2 going on 12.

These two are some of my favorites because they are so representative of summer nights at our house.  We love to be outside in the warmer weather, and you never know what we'll end up doing on those hot summer nights.  Sometimes it just means enjoying an ice pop in the grass and swinging with the neighbors, other nights are spent working in the gardens, and there are always times like in this picture that lead me to pull out the camera and capture some shots. 

I couldn't resist putting this one in.  My fun loving husband grew up playing with a family of three girls that dressed him up, put make-up on him, and recruited him to play "house."  Now with his own house full of girls, there are always moments when he is donning a girly look or activity.

 

I had to put these two in...our dear Kate has long since needed to have her blanky wrapped in some way around her head or shoulders.  It started during naps and quiet time, and if we allow her to have her blanky at other times throughout the day you can often find it covering her head.  We've nicknamed her Mother Theresa or Mary in honor of the get-up.  To this day she sleeps with a light pink receiving blanket (acquired from the hospital where I deliver; actually many pink ones have been acquired by now, and we look forward to the day when we can come home with some blue ones!) completely covering her face when she goes to sleep.

There is nothing like the safety and security of being by Daddy's side.

Mikayla is our 3rd who sucks not her thumb, but two of her fingers.  It makes for some interesting poses.

Poor Hannah is so prone to injuries...she fell off our porch steps onto the sidewalk, not once but twice on her way to accomplishing this bruise.  Just today, as she was "helping" Mommy sew some Bible costumes for school, she managed to actually sew through her pointer finger.  I literally had to cut her finger away from the material to which it was attached, and then proceed to remove a thread that had been threaded completely through her finger.  She actually handled it very well, and I'm not sure it was overly painful but the amount of blood and the incident herself seemed to bother her more than anything.  I used to think Tessa would be our first broken bone in the family as she is known as the "climber."  Anymore, I'm not so sure her little sister Hannah won't beat her to that milestone.

Tessa's 4 year photo session was so much fun.  Taken at Lititz Springs Park, I thought she did an excellent job of showing her personality throughout the session.  It was more than fun capturing images of her, and I look forward to doing more of that for each of my daughters and children through the years.

It is photographs like this one that will become treasures in years to come.

And our Nannie always looks so stylish and sophisticated doesn't she?

We don't often have pictures of ourselves taken, although I do want to have some of us over the years.  This one marks the celebration of my 30th birthday just before we headed out to dinner as an ending to a memorable day.  Ryan made plans for us to spend the day visiting landmarks from my past including the church I grew up in, my elementary school, a reunion with a favorite high school teacher at our high school, and a visit to the church where we were married and attended for the first 5 years of our marriage.  He put a lot of thought and planning into our day and made it special each step of the way (not to mention he escorted me in his aunt's race car red BMW Z3, that's a sweet little convertible coupe for those who aren't automobile savvy).  I even got to head out in the car by myself in the afternoon to do a little birthday shopping before preparing for our romantic night out.  Turning 30 really isn't a big deal to me, but spending the day like this made it an event I was glad to celebrate.

 

With 5 little women and another on the way, I can't hold and snuggle them all day long (nor would they would probably let me).  But, I do find ways to keep them close to me (love my Ergo) when they seem to need me physically close for more than a few minutes (and Mommy needs to be doing something), and treasure the moments when we do share snuggles, hugs, and kisses.  When  I look at Alivia I realize oh how quickly they grow and how fast time is passing us by.

We were blessed to enjoy two vacations in the late summer and fall,

only because of the generosity of our family.  There were many moments to remember on these adventures, and here are two of those fun times during a weekend at Aunt Jill's bay house.

Staying up late, eating yummy food, crabbing, kayaking, playing in the sand and water,

and of course riding on her golf cart were all highlights of our time there.

I of course used the opportunity of a marvelous setting and

an oh so cute subject to capture some pictures of Mikayla around 7 months old.

These were taken on our family hike through the woodland once owned by "Paw-Paw White."  Thought it isn't always easy to pack us all up and spend long periods of time in the Great Outdoors, we are grateful for the times we can and do.  We are all positively affected by being in God's marvelous creation, and there is nothing more thrilling than exploring bugs, rocks, and even thorns together.

Below are some highlights of our week long stay in the Outer Banks with Pappie, Nannie and the rest of the Groff gang.  As it had been several years since we spent so much quality time on the beach, we were especially grateful to be there and talk about perfect weather.  We couldn't have asked for a nicer week, in September none the less.  Even with the "work" of 5 little girls in the sun and sand, we were able to thoroughly enjoy vacation and accurately earning the titles of Beach Bums.

On our way to the Outer Banks we broke up the drive with a stop at the Botanical Gardens in Norfolk VA.  They had an awesome children's garden, with lots to explore and a wonderfully refreshing water fountains.  

Before leaving the Botanical Gardens, we took a rest on a nearby hill to watch airplanes land and take off.

Pappie and Nannie let each of the girls pick out a kite...and we had a blast flying them everyday to mark our spot on the beach.  Tessa's Octopus was the most successful at getting high in the sky and remaining there.

Several mornings I was able to head out to the beach at sunrise to capture some shots
and just get some quiet time walking along the water's edge.  Ryan and Mikayla joined me
on this particular morning and this shot of Daddy and baby is very precious to me.
The Master's hand created a tiny miracle in the birth of a child, and huge feat in creating the vast waters of the oceans in our world.  Whom else but an Awesome and MightyGod could accomplish two such feats?

There's not much cuter than a sweet little babe in a sweet little "babing" (termed by Hannah) suit on the beach.  

I love that Uncle Brady, Daddy, and the three older sisters can be seen in the background enjoying the waves.

Oh the days of lying in the surf.

I did say these two like to do everything together, right?

Ryan is in his glory as we drive along the dunes.  I am on the edge of my seat thinking what happens if we get stuck.

I have no words for this one.

Yet another treasure for the future.  Grandchildren are a heritage, and Grandparents give a heritage.  Mi-Mi is known to just keep on going...she rarely takes a break, and if she does, one of her 12 grandchildren is found in her lap reading a book or snuggling.  Some day (I keep telling her this), we will be able to do as much and more than she is doing for us in this difficult stage of raising our little ladies.  Because you see, they will turn into young women, full of energy and (it is our prayer) servant's hearts for others.

I don't look forward to my mother slowing down, but I will welcome

the opportunity to give back to her all that she has given to me and my family.

I couldn't resist adding this family photo from last Christmas, and the one below...

to show how we have grown and changed over the last year.
Certainly not the best shots in the world of portrait photography,
but evidence of the reality of our lives today.  And for that we are thankful that we are so blessed.
Just a comical note, Kate is not a finger sucker, but does indeed
have her fingers in her mouth on this one.  Such is life with 5 little women!

And that concludes the Best of 2010.  And though it is much later than I had hoped, I am glad to have finished the post.  Unfortunately, I have not reviewed and edited as much as I probably should have, but I can't wait to publish the post, so I will do that tomorrow (or another day in the hopefully near future).  In the mean time, I hope you enjoy seeing our life from the past year through snippets and snapshots.